Pondering in the Dressing Room
by Dyeh
Summary: While picking out clothes for Hikaru, Kaoru ponders on his feelings for his brother. Onesided Kaoru x Hikaru. One shot. R&R.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran. If I did, Tamaki and Kyouya would so do... things...**

Yo x3. This is my first Ouran One Shot I've ever written, so be nice, kay? I wrote this for two friends; Kaetei and Hideki... so I hope they like it D! In any case, I really have nothing to say, other then read my other fics... and I'm cool.

Enjoy x3. (And please review.)

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_Pondering in the Dressing Room_

Kaoru had always enjoyed clothes shopping; it was something that he and Hikaru, never sore for money, would do on numerous weekends by themselves to simply get out of their giant estate and to feel more independent. Kaoru always enjoyed these little adventures; it was easy to try on clothes as they both looked the same, had the same fashion sense, and were always straight forward about what it would look like on the other twin as they'd possibly be insulting both of them.

However, most of all, Kaoru loved these outings because it was just Hikaru and Kaoru, as it had been for many years before a certain somebody had stepped freely into their circle and almost stolen Hikaru. On outings like this, Kaoru was reminded of what it was used to be like when it was just the two of them; times that he missed.

In fact, Kaoru felt that he'd done a good job on hiding his own wants and needs in favour of his other twins happiness. In the entire world, all Kaoru needed was Hikaru, nobody else. At times, as he gazed longingly at Hikaru's sleeping face at night, Kaoru would muse lightly that he'd fallen in love with himself... but he hadn't. Kaoru had fallen in love with Hikaru, a forbidden love that was only made worse by the fact that Hikaru wasn't just his brother, Hikaru was his twin.

Kaoru forced a sigh, leaning against the wall beside the changing rooms, waiting anxiously for Hikaru to actually finish putting on the latest of the clothing that Hikaru himself had picked. Kaoru didn't mind the choice of clothes, of course.

"Neh, Hikaru..." The sounds of Hikaru carelessly kicking his slacks free could be heard clearly, as well as the clang of coat hangers, as Hikaru was obviously grabbing free his chosen shorts; "What do you think Haruhi would like?"

"As in clothes?" Kaoru asked boredly, already knowing what the answer was: of course Hikaru was talking about clothes; they were in a clothes shop after all. Therefore, he didn't wait for an answer and said; "We're not shopping for clothes for Haruhi, Hikaru."

"I meant as in; clothes on us!" Hikaru retaliated, and the sound of a zipper could be heard.

"Oh." Kaoru shrugged although Hikaru couldn't see him; "I dunno. I've never asked her personal opinion."

To this, Hikaru deadpanned; "Oh."

Kaoru forced in a sigh. Everything with Hikaru was Haruhi this, Haruhi that, and he was getting very tired of it. Just the very mention of the cross dressing girl was a touchy subject for Kaoru, as much as he tried to hide it; even being around the girl made him on edge. The main reason, of course, was the fact that Hikaru was always trying to impress her, flirt with her...

This time, Kaoru let out a very audible sigh; why wouldn't Hikaru ever flirt with him? All the times that Kaoru had told Hikaru that he loved him, he'd just get a hurried reply back – and they didn't even take showers together anymore. Kaoru found this all very depressing; he'd liked that innocence that they showed to their parents, to the world... the innocence that was mixed with the sickness that they portrayed as hosts. Innocent Devils was how Kaoru would personally describe them.

But, slowly, this innocence was disappearing. Even Kaoru's beloved uke act was slowly fading into the distance; Hikaru had even asked him to come up with something else. Kaoru could hardly believe his ears when Hikaru had told him that "the act is getting old, we need to try something new."

For a while, Kaoru had pretended in ignorant bliss that these numerous moments were real. He had pretended that Hikaru meant the words that he always said... that the only person Hikaru wanted was Kaoru. Kaoru knew, of course, that the reason that Hikaru wanted to stop the act was not because it was getting 'old' – if anything, it was attracting more and more customers, as Kyouya was constantly pointing out – it was because Hikaru did not wish to continue the act in front of Haruhi. Of course, Hikaru wouldn't admit that to his brother, but had added another blow by saying; "After all, it's just business, right?"

It had taken all of Kaoru's might to say "yes", although he certainly didn't feel it. If anything, it had left Kaoru hurt and angry; it was business. There was nothing more to it then business, not that they even received, nor needed a share of the profit anyway... which had been Hikaru's next point in convincing his brother.

"I think it's time for a change." Kaoru had hurriedly agreed, not wanting to hear anymore. After that, Hikaru had started talking to Kaoru more and more about Haruhi, and what she liked, what she wore, how her eyes shone, and just lovey-dovey things that Kaoru one day wished that Hikaru would say about him. (Personally, Kaoru wanted to beat Haruhi's head in with a rake, but he'd never tell Hikaru that.)

"So, what do you think?" Hikaru asked, ripping open the curtain that separated him from his twin. He was adorning something that Kaoru pictured being worn in England. It a red vest with golden buttons, worn on top of a long sleeved and cuffed white shirt, with maroon long slacks.

Kaoru looked over it, rousing himself from his rather comfortable position on the wall to poke and prod at Hikaru and his new outfit. His shoulders were pinched, his back poked, the hem of his shorts pulled – Kaoru tried not to think about this part in too much detail – and the cuffs of the shirt was pulled. "Don't like it," he said finally.

Hikaru blinked; "Why?"

"Well, for one; that shade of red looks horrible on you, and the gold buttons class horribly with the maroon slacks. The shirt we should keep for a rainy day though; and I don't fancy the colour of your pants either."

"Oh." Hikaru replied, wondering absently why his sibling was being so knarky. "Well, I'll agree with your opinion then."

"Good." Kaoru snapped, handing Hikaru the next set of outfits. "Try this one on next." Hikaru took the garment without complaints and closed the changing room curtain. The next several minutes of Hikaru changing into yet another impossible costume was spent in uncomfortable silence, until: "Neh, Hikaru."

"Hm?" Came an absent voice from behind the curtain, currently arguing with a set of coat hangers.

"Are you just... what I mean to say is... I-I... you see... for a long time I've..." Kaoru stumbled over his own words, cursing his lack of ability to actually speak about this hidden topic with his twin. After pondering the events, Kaoru had realised that this was probably a waste of time... but there was a small voice in the back of his mind that told him that, maybe, just maybe, there would be a small spark within Hikaru which would... well, Kaoru wasn't sure what it'd do, but he was hoping it'd be something good.

"You've what?" Hikaru asked, confused; normally Kaoru didn't stumble over words. "Kaoru, you okay?"

"... Nevermind." Kaoru said finally with a sigh, "It wasn't important."

"O...kay then." Hikaru replied, still sounding extremely confused. Well, if it wasn't a big deal to Kaoru, then it wasn't a big deal to him; therefore, Hikaru casually shrugged it off with a; "if you say so."

Kaoru's shoulders drooped at the casualness of Hikaru's voice: he obviously thought it was no big deal, when it was. It was then that Kaoru realised that his race was lost, that he'd been running into a brick wall for a time. He was also certain that issues like this should be pondered, not voiced.

**END**


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